8.22.2011

21 August 2011

Dear Kate,


     Here i am, in a late afternoon, sitting on the couch next to the window. The weather is wonderful today. Everything seems so peaceful. Just the way i like. I read two books today. You know, i've always imagined myself as the characters in the book. To feel like how they do. I let my imaginations run wild and free. I like to imagine. I cannot stop imagining and i guess it has somehow become my hobby. What a weird hobby, isn't it? I like reading books in a good weather. A good weather when most people in my family are out doing their own stuffs. When the sun is out, shining through the windows and the white fluffy clouds that drift by slowly. Like as though the day will never end. This may sound like a joke but still, that is how i think of it as.

   I stared at myself in the mirror. The sunlight highlighted my hair. It looked soft and brown. I stared at myself and think- I am actually beautiful. Not as beautiful as the high-cheekbones-and-tan-thin-long-legged models but the kind that is different. In a unique way. WE are all beautiful and i strongly believe in that but the thing is, we deny the fact. Part of the reasons why we deny ourselves is because people who thinks that they are more beautiful than us discriminates us, makes us feel self conscious. I mean, so what? This is just us, what can we do, right? Sadly enough, we let words bring us down easily.

  Sometimes i find myself staring at strangers. (Not the kind of i-wanna-find-trouble-with-you looks.) Strangers who may seem fat or even ugly to others but if you were to really ever look at them, like really  look at them without finding their flaws, you will actually realise that they are a lot more than how they look. It is always the character that outshines their appearance. You know, sometimes i would tell my friend/s that the particular person is actually good looking but in return, they would either curl their lips in disgust and say: "ew, no?" or maybe "wow, your 'taste' is really good" and i would think to myself, "why are they even looking at the appearance, their flaws?"

  Okay, maybe everyone judges each other by appearance first but still. I mean, come on, why look at how fat they are, how small their eyes are or how big their nose is? I know i may sound like as though i am spouting nonsense but no, this is how i feel and what i think of right now. Every sentence that i just wrote are all the truth.

  Just so you know, i like looking out of the window, doing nothing except to stare at the white, greyish clouds or the pale blue sky. I like it when i look out of the window and feel the cool breeze. I like thinking about nonsensical stuffs or my 'future' just in this comfortable and calm way. I like how the sun shines on the trees, buildings, flowers, everything. I like to hear the smoothing sound the little wind chimes make when the breeze flows through and the sound of kids laughing and playing- pure happiness.

  And right now, i like my life just fine. 

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